Chapter 1 (Throw Away)
Every one of us has our own dreams and goals in life from the smallest to the biggest of dreams like perhaps being an A-list actress, singer, newscaster or a politician. You can think of anything you want to be, the sky is the limit and the possibilities are endless. Me? I want to be a designer of my own shoe line, you know the saying, you give a girl a pair of good shoes and she can conquer the world? That’s what I want to be in the future, but the thing is, it only comes second of my priorities. Want to know the first on my list? Well, I want to marry Eric, my boyfriend for five years and I’m so in love with him. I know that he is the right one for me, he’s handsome, tall, intelligent, sexy, but these are not the things I love about him, these things are a bonus, but it’s not that. He is kind and thoughtful, I’m happy when he’s around and I have been wanting to be with him forever until that fateful day comes along. It was the one thing I didn’t see coming at all, my mom was really worried because I sort of resemble a small version of her. My father left her when I was young and that was a really traumatic experience in her life and mine, being rejected by the man you really love and poured your heart and soul with. For me it was a double whammy, two very important men rejected me in less than a decade and it was crazy. I am sitting on my bed, my eyes are red and my face is puffy from crying. My best friend, Alex, is fuming. He is walking from one direction to another, arms crossed.
“Oh my God! I knew it! I knew there’s something rotten about that guy. He’s handsome yes it’s true but”
He stopped walking and sighed.
“He’s a jerk Mandy.”
He’s gay, my best friend Alex is gay and I love him, her so much, he’s like a big sister to me, the best of my best friends and he’s furious now because I am crying like crazy over the man who cheated on me and went away after admitting he has done so. Well, I was the one who ran away but that’s not the case here.
2 days ago . . .
“This is it Alex I think he’s going
to propose to me!”
I yelled excitedly over the phone,
shivering with excitement.
“I can hear you dear, you’ve been
yelling at me the whole time for God’s sake” said Alex and I can feel his
impatience. “Can. . .You please calm down so we can talk, okay? Do you hear
me?” He added impatiently trying to cool down my hysterical self.
“Oh! I’m so sorry I just . . . I
just can’t wait until tomorrow!”
“How can you be so sure about that? And what
made you so sure he will? He never talked about settling down, I know it
because if he did, you would have already told me.”
“Alex! He . . . will propose to me,
I am sure of that, just wait until I have that freaking ring in my finger! Ah!
This is the best moment of my life!”
I hear him sigh and I can almost
feel him rolling his eyes. I know that he thinks that I am jumping into
conclusion so fast.
“Look Mandy, I know you’re happy and
excited and crazy, but my only question is that how did you know about the ring
and the proposal?” Alex half yelled half whispered and his impatience is
evident with our redundant conversation. “Come on now, I know he did something
to make you go crazy like that, did Erick said something, or could it possibly
that you’re . . . pregnant?” He added.
“What?! Oh no, I am not pregnant for
goodness sake. Dan told me that he saw Erick bought a ring from a shop.” I
can’t stop from smiling while explaining everything to Alex.
“What! Oh my . . . that must be
really serious huh? . . . But why are you so sure that ring is for you? I mean
I know that there couldn’t possibly be another one but it could be for his mom
or a relative, or just a gift for you? Just saying.”
Being the pessimist that he is, Alex
could not help but think of the most diabolic possibilities; he’s like a
reminder of some scary things most especially in my relationship with Erick.
Aside from that, he doesn’t like Erick from the very beginning. It was difficult
at first because I didn’t want to choose between the two of them since both have
a very special place in my heart. I
sighed because I am starting to get fed up with him.
“You know what Al, if you don’t plan
on saying something good, I’d better talk to you after I’m engaged, of all people,
thought you’d be very excited for me” I said, hearing my own disappointment.
“Look, Mandy, girl, if that is for
real, I will be truly happy that I’d give up my Paris trip just to be at your
wedding, that’s how much I love you.” There is a short pause. “Please don’t be
mad at me, I am just worried what if you’re wrong” he said gently.
I am fidgeting trying to contain my outburst
of his negativity.
“Look, I know you’re angry now, I
can feel it, just listen girl” he sighs. “Okay, just tell me when the wedding
will be, does that sound good for you?” He said finally giving up from my tantrums
over the soon to be engagement.
“Oh Al,
I love you too, thank you. I know that you’re worried but I think this is for
real, I love him and I know he loves me too.”
Alex sighed again. “Okay, you’re right I
am sorry, I was just being ambiguous don’t mind me. The thing is you’re happy.
And please don’t call me Al, so not me.” Now he sounded defeated. “Just tell me about
the good news ‘kay?”
“Thank you girl, I’m sure I will.”
(Continuation)
I met Erick 5 years ago and he meant the world to me. I
was 20 and we were both in college. He was introduced to me by a friend of mine
who happened to be his new friend and that’s it. You know how they say it, the
rest is history. We started hanging out, at first together with our friends
then it got fewer and fewer until there’s only the two of us left. His timing
came at the right time because he served as a perfect, no; a sweet distraction because
my dad had just began his journey leaving home that time. My mom accepted our
relationship, I didn’t exactly know why she did, but I think she just wants me to
divert my every attention to something else so I wouldn’t focus so much on our
current family problems.
It was true, the world before Erick was distasteful.
My mom and dad never spent the night without fighting over my dad’s multiple
extra marital affairs and I hated those days. I hated it so much that it came
to a point wherein I almost couldn’t remember the other details. My mind just
shut them off.
We met at the restaurant where we had our first date.
“Hello there sweet baby,” I greeted and pecked him on the cheek. Erick was
wearing a matching navy blue suit and pants and a white necktie with diagonal
gray stripes in it. He was a looker. He looked nervous and I noticed it because
it was very evident. He’s nervous, God. I can’t stop having jitters all over my
body but my heart was leaping and is looking forward for the big moment, our
engagement. I was shouting out loud in my mind.
“Hi
there Mandy, you look beautiful tonight. Please have your seat” he commented
while pulling out a chair for me.
“Thank
you, you’re so sweet.” “Oh wow this is nostalgic; remember our first date in
here, when you spilled the glass of wine on one of the waitresses? It was
really embarrassing”
I
teased him while I was laughing so hard, and then added “Wow! There’s not much
of a change in this place, it’s quite the same old restaurant that we loved.”
I
can’t help myself prattle and didn’t even notice that I sounded nervous.
“By
the way you looked handsome in your suit, I love it” I giggled while I was
reaching for Erick’s necktie from across the table. “I love you” I whispered.
I
don’t know but Erick visibly shifted his position looking uncomfortable and was
trying to avoid my gaze. I was thrilled and my heart was in my stomach. The
pianist from the stage started playing a piece. “M,” he said finally breaking
his silence.
(Continuation)
(Continuation)
“There’s something you need to
know.”
My eyes widened with excitement and
anticipation, and Erick couldn’t hide the grimness in his face.
I chuckled as I
look at him, I knew he was too nervous to bring up the marriage topic and I was
just damned too excited. He cleared his throat, I moved forward to listen, and
then the next words that
came out were
“Mandy . . . Uhm . . . I don’t know
how to say this but” . . . He stammered, words barely coming out from his mouth.
“Yes, yes, I’m listening,” I said excitedly
while trying to contain my feelings but failed.
“Mandy . . . I . . . I am in love
with someone else. . .”
I took a little time to suck up the
words coming out from Erick’s mouth.
Suddenly everything seems soundless, the wind from outside stopped
swaying the tree branches. I couldn’t
hide the confusion
from my face and the words were barely audible in my ears.
“I . . . I’m sorry what?” I
stammered. “I. . . Haha, I think I heard it wrong, but can you please say it
again?” As I collected everything together, I can’t help but look blankly at
him.
“Mandy, I don’t know how to tell you
this, it just happened, and I’m sorry, and I know I cannot keep this secret for
a long time,” Erick said and I felt he could not possibly look into my eyes as
the words were out in the air.
“So . . . you’re not going to
propose to me, you’re here . . . to tell me that . . . you love someone else
now huh?”
He nods as I clamped my lips
together trying to stop the shaking. “How?”
Tears were forming from the corner
of my eyes.
“Mandy I loved you, that was true, but one day I just woke up and
realize that I am not happy anymore, I’m so sorry.”
Erick was staring at his palms on
his lap as he spoke.
“All this time, I thought you were happy . . .
you didn’t tell me anything, you didn’t tell me anything!” I yelled and the
tears were falling from my eyes, fast and hot.
“Who is she? Is she someone I know?” I asked.
Erick just shook his head.
“No, no, you never met her”
It hurt.
“Do you really love her?”
Erick nodded.
“So you don’t love me anymore, huh?”
I asked.
Erick didn’t do anything, but he
looked oblivious. “And the ring, it’s for her then.”
“Mandy . . . I don’t know where you
heard about the ring, but I’m so. . . ”
“Just answer me! The ring . . . is it for
her?” I cut him off while biting my lower lip with a pained look, sobs coming
from the innermost part of my heart.
“Yes, we’re . . . engaged now”
I almost fell from the chair and
couldn’t quite determine the feelings mixing up inside me.
”No” I shook my head, “Please Erick,
I love you! Don’t you love me? If you want, we can start over again, just don’t
leave me, I love you!” I cried.
“Mandy, I am so sorry, but . . . I
don’t have feelings for you anymore”
I laughed sarcastically.
“You cheated on me . . . you’ve been
doing it while we’re together, how dare you?” I accused im while I gasp for air.
“Just like that? You’re throwing away the
years we had just like that?”
I can barely breathe. Erick reached
for me “Mandy, you alright?”
“Don’t touch me!” I shouted and this time people noticed us
making a scene.
“Mandy, I’ll bring you ho . . .”
”Don’t you ever call my name again!
Don’t ever show your face to me. EVER!” I screamed.
“I thought you’re different. I
really thought you are. . . I wish . . .” I stammered.
“I wish you a good damn life!” I
shouted and ran off.
End of Chapter 1 -- Stay updated for the Chapter 2 :)